Tuesday, January 1, 2013

New Year, New Journey

When my daughter, Carrin, died last August, I slept with praise and worship songs.
The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.. Zephaniah 3:17
I needed Him to sing over me, because I was broken in many places.
One album in particular brought a lot of healing. It was called Sing Over Me. On it was a cut done by Janna Long called  May The Words of My Mouth.

This song became my prayer:
May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart
Bless Your name, bless Your name, Jesus
And the deeds of the day and the truth in my ways
Speak of You, speak of You, Jesus

For this is what I'm glad to do
It's time to live a life of love that pleases You
And I will give my all to You
Surrender everything I have and follow You
I'll follow You

Lord, be my vision, Lord,  be my guide
Be my hope, be my light and the way
And I'll look not for riches, nor praises on earth
Only You'll be the first of my heart

I will follow
I will follow
I will follow You

Carrin's death changed me in a way I cannot yet explain. It was like being ground up by a meat grinder and reformed.,
The hard places of my heart that I thought brought me protection were flattened. They were replaced with kindness and gentleness. The procrastination brought on by fear was brought to light in the reality that no one is promised tomorrow. Now each day truly is a gift.
My child, albeit an adult with grown children, my child.was gone. No good-byes. Just gone in a car wreck.. This was the child who called me three or four times a week during her hour long commute to work. . Not only did she share her heart, but she was such an encourager. It was like having your own personal cheerleader.
But life would never be the same.
The song says, "It's time to live a life of love that pleases You
And I will give my all to You
Surrender everything I have and follow You
I'll follow You."
I think I am not the only one who says they will surrender but never get around to it. Life gets in the way. When you are broken, you discover whose life it should be.
What does "live a life of love that pleases you" really look like?
A life of love has no time for criticism. Its love is from the heart of the Father not from an agenda. It is patient and kind. (I am still working on that.) It does not keep a record of wrongs. It has no room for whining or feels a need to have the last word.
So my New Year's Resolution is to live a life of love that pleases my Father; to give my all, surrender everything and follow Him.
I don't think it will be easy, but it will continue to shape  me into His image.